If I Stay

     I first read this book last summer.  I had bought it at our school's Scholastic Book Fair, partly because I observed a group of 8th grade girls clustered around it.  Typically, I find that to be a sign of a "hot" book.  However, the book sat untouched on my shelf for the rest of the school year and finally it was summer vacation.  I was down the shore, had just put the kids to bed, and began reading.  The novel gripped me so tightly that I wouldn't go to sleep until I finished it.  While reading the novel the second time around didn't bring about any surprises, the story wasn't any less sad or painful to accept.
     In If I Stay by Gayle Forman, Mia is an accomplished 17 year old cellist.  One tragic morning, her world is shattered when she and her family are involved in a horrific car accident.  Her parents and 8 year old brother, Teddy, are killed.  Mia is transported to a trauma hospital where doctors frantically work to repair her injuries, while her extended family and friends sit and wait for updates.  Little do they know that her spirit waits with them, hovering, watching, and observing, while her body lies in a coma.  Mia is faced with the most important decision of her life:  Do I choose to stay when so much has been taken from me?  Mia reflects in one part of the book, "This morning I went for a drive with my family.  And now I am here, as alone as I've ever been.  I am seventeen years old.  This is not how it's supposed to be.  This is not how my life is supposed to turn out.  I'm not sure this is a world I belong in anymore.  I'm not sure that I want to wake up," (Forman, pg. 137).  It is this decision that leads author Kaleb Nation to assert that If I Stay is a non-traditional thriller, because the reader is not sure if the protagonist will survive at the novel's end.  While I can appreciate Nation's hypothesis, I am more inclined to believe that If I Stay is a love story that unfolds through Mia's flashbacks and what she sees presently in the hospital.     
     The Hall parents, while unconventional, are loving and supportive parents.  Former punk rockers, Kat and Denny Hall, at first don't understand Mia's pull toward classical music, but offer their encouragement toward her musical study.  Through Mia's reflections, we learn how they sent her to music camp in the summer and even encouraged her to audition for Juilliard.  Her brother Teddy is nine years younger and the bond between them is very strong.  Mia even acknowledges at one point that while she is his older sister, there are times that she also feels like mother figure to him.  When Mia realizes that Teddy is dead, she recalls how she cut his umbilical cord, she would calm his fussiness by playing lullabies on her cello, she would read him Harry Potter at night.  She is shocked by her parents' death, but the knowledge that Teddy is also gone devastates her.   And while reading these pages proves to be heartwrenching, they also show the tremendous amount of love that existed in this family.  Mia might choose to die because as she puts it, "What would it be like if I stay?  What would it feel like to wake up an orphan?  To stay without them?" (Forman, pg. 137).   She simply can't comprehend life without them.
     When re-reading the book, I found a part that could possibly foreshadow Mia's life or death choice.  One of her earliest flashbacks was to when she had her first symphony recital and was nervous.  Mia's parents give her a pep talk to combat her nerves.  Mia questions, "What if I mess it up?  What if I'm terrible?" to which her mother responds, "I've got news for you, Mia.  There's going to be all kinds of terrible in there, so you won't really stand out."  Her father tells her, "You just work through it.  You just hang in there," (Forman, pg. 22-23).  Jump forward seven years later and her parents' advice still rings true.  She might decide to live and face the terrible and painful truth that her family is gone.  She will need to work through her sorrow and "hang in there" if that is the choice she makes.
     I mentioned earlier that I see this novel more as a love story.  Mia's decision to live is a testament to the love she encounters along her journey and is a final parting gift to the family who has gone.  Her best friend, Kim, sits alongside her hospital bed and talks to her about all the people who have come to the hospital to be with her.  Kim whispers, "I do have a point to all this.  There are like twenty people in that waiting room right now.  Some of them are related to you.  Some of them are not.  But we're all your family.  You still have a family," (Forman, pg. 184.)  Another speech that I found to be extremely moving and that also shows a tremendous amount of love for Mia comes from her grandfather.  He tells her, "It's okay if you want to go.  Everyone wants you to stay.  I want you to stay more than I've ever wanted anything in my life.  But that's what I want and I could see why it might not be what you want. So I just wanted to tell you that I understand if you go.  It's okay if you have to leave us.  It's okay if you want to stop fighting," (Forman, pg. 151-152).  Mia acknowledges that her grandfather's selfless words are a gift because they recognize what she has lost.
     In the end, it is her boyfriend, Adam, who convinces her to live.  Adam, an up and coming musician, pleads with her to stay.  He makes the ultimate sacrifice telling her, "Stay.  There's no word for what happened to you.  But there is something to live for.  And I'm not talking about me.  But I can't wrap my head around the notion of you not getting old, having kids, going to Juilliard, getting to play that cello in front of a huge audience...If you stay, I'll do whatever you want.  I'll quit the band, go with you to New York.  But if you need me to go away, I'll do that, too" (Forman, pg. 192-193).  Adam recognizes that if Mia chooses to live, that in order to heal, she may need to build a new life, one that may not include him.  He also offers to sacrifice his own dreams in order to be with her and provide her with the love and support she will need.
     Because music was such an integral part of the story, I had the idea that students could create playlists that reflect the moods of the book.  While the mood is predominantly sorrowful, there are lighthearted moments like recounting Teddy's birth, driving to San Francisco with her grandfather for her audition, and hosting a Labor Day party.  I think this book would initially have greater appeal for girls than boys because of the protagonist and the love story.  I would probably lean toward using the novel as a book club read and hopefully the girls would be able to convince a few boys to give it a try.  Then I could try to sell the sequel, Where She Went, because it is narrated from Adam's point of view, which might make it more of a "guy's book."  I'm looking forward to reading the sequel because I grew to care about these characters and am curious to see where Mia's choice takes her.